Last season on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, tensions escalated between the crazies – excuse me, ladies – and their nearest and dearest. Cynthia‘s husband Peter, Phaedra‘s husband Apollo, and Kenya‘s assistant Brandon got into a physical altercation during a pajama party, then Kenya and Porsha came to blows in the first installment of a memorable reunion. The ladies took group vacations to Mexico and Savannah, the fearsome Momma Joyce drove a wedge between Kandi and Todd, Phaedra and Kenya clashed over the nature of the latter’s relationship with Apollo, Porsha separated from her overbearing husband (and revealed she thought the Underground Railroad was an actual railroad), and basically everyone fought with everyone. In short, RHoA 7×01 had a lot to live up to. Check out our recap!
RHoA 7×01 opens with the revelation that NeNe is emceeing Cirque du Soleil’s Zumanity show in Vegas. She declares that the show’s risqué nature will require a lot of acting on her part because she’s “just not that girl.” Linnethia, honey, you used to be a stripper, did you not?
In Kandi Land, the newlyweds are preparing for the arrival of Todd’s 18-year-old daughter Kaela, who’s relocating to Atlanta. Todd suggests “meeting in the middle” in terms of his and Kandi’s markedly different parenting skills. We’ll see how that turns out.
Wire fraud, bank fraud, & mail fraud – oh my!
Meanwhile, it’s the morning of Apollo’s sentencing for, as the man himself puts it, “wire fraud, bank fraud and mail fraud.” What an overachiever.
Phaedra’s holed up at a hotel in Augusta – in the penthouse suite, naturally – claiming that going into hiding is necessary to keep the paparazzi away from herself and her two young boys. Apollo calls this course of action abandonment while his wife calls it being a parent.
More than two hours west at a decidedly paparazzi-less house in the suburbs of Atlanta, Apollo prepares for his court date alone.
Kenya vs. Porsha: The aftermath
Over at Kenya’s place, the self-proclaimed pro-twirler is readjusting to life in The A following a three-month trip across the globe. She embarked on the vacation after, in her words, “being physically attacked in front of the entire world.” Good to see she hasn’t lost her sense of melodrama. When Cynthia drops by, Kenya opens up about the anxiety and paranoia she’s been experiencing in the wake of the Porsha incident at the reunion.
Cut to Porsha (who, for the record, is no longer in the opening credits and will play a much smaller role this season) giggling about her new breast implants with Kandi. The two discuss how her actions were justified because Kenya goaded her.
At Kenya’s house, the conversation turns to Cynthia’s soured relationship with NeNe, and Cynthia claims every aspect of her life is better because the other woman isn’t in her life. So much for that friendship contract of yester-season.
Remember Apollo’s impending court appearance? If you’ve consumed any kind of entertainment media since July, it’s likely you knew about his eight-year sentence before watching RHoA 7×01. While Atlanta gossips, Phaedra remains sequestered in Augusta, where she’s trying to figure out how to explain the situation to her kids.
Meanwhile, an oddly pragmatic Apollo sits down to lunch with his mother and half-brother. He acknowledges that his addiction to the fast life will cause his progeny to miss out on having him around, much like his mother’s substance abuse prevented her from being there for him earlier in life.
Back in Atlanta, Kandi and Todd discuss Apollo’s sentence, with the former being Team Phaedra and the latter being Team Apollo. Speak of the devil – Apollo shows up at the Kandi Factory and expresses his disappointment to Todd about the lack of communication from Phaedra.
Even doggone Hillary
In Vegas, NeNe rehearses for Zumanity. Later, in her hotel room, husband Gregg regales her with some sexy dancing of his own, which arguably constitutes the best few seconds of the episode thus far. He even threatens to “snatch off [his] britches.” The Leakeses then proceed to argue over the definition of an orgy. Can the whole show just be about them, with Phaedra popping in and out occasionally to say “Mmmmmhmm”?
Speaking of Phaedra, Kandi makes the trek to Augusta to visit her friend, and it isn’t long before the topic of Phaedra’s conspicuous absence from court comes up.
“Even doggone Hillary stood by Bill Clinton when he was getting his dick sucked,” Kandi points out indignantly.
In her personal interview, Phaedra opens up about not wanting to send a message to her children than incarceration is OK, but at the same time wanting them to know their father. With all the show’s inherent ridiculousness aside, she’s in quite a predicament. She notes that although she’s stoic in front of others, she has emotional moments when she’s by herself – but, as she tells Kandi, she will “handle this as gracefully as [she has] handled other things.”
Flanked by her mother, Phaedra finally returns home to have it out with Apollo face to face. He accuses her of not being supportive, she accuses him of selfishness, and the argument quickly devolves into being about money, reputation, and why they got married in the first place. Ultimately, he announces his intentions of getting a divorce and she responds with “Bye-bye.” …Ouch.
- Quote of the week
: Although an honorable mention has to go to Kandi’s crack about Hillary Clinton, the Quote of the Week from RHoA 7×01 came from Kenya, who described Cynthia as having been “so far up NeNe’s ass, she had her own wing.”
Tune into Bravo next Sunday at 8/7c for more drama from The A and check out our exclusive interview with Kenya Moore.