by Josh Batchelder
This week on Scream Queens, Hester holds a summit for the Green Meanies, we find out who killed who, and the secret to passing the MCAT is revealed.
Here are 10 of the craziest, funniest, and most gasp-worthy moments from Scream Queens 2×09, “Lovin the D.”
1. Chanel formulating a plan.
“We need to split up. It’s one against three. He can’t chase us all down before we escape. I mean yes, one of us will probably die, and yes, it’ll probably be No. 5 because the joints in her lower body don’t seem to move when she runs, but I am willing to make that sacrifice.”
2. Chanel No. 3’s Meanie Wink.
Seriously, her relationship with Cassidy is just adorable. Seeing Cassidy push another Green Meanie aside who was trying to chase down and kill Chanel No. 3 was cute, but Chanel’s wink back at him was just the right amount of ridiculous camp.
3. The Green Meanie Summit.
I loved seeing who killed who, and it’s kind of working for me that we already know all of the killers and the finale hasn’t even happened yet. The emphasis on character and comedy over whodunnit has worked for the most part this season, and this entire scene in Scream Queens 2×09 was just hilarious. Also, Hester as host? Best thing ever.
4. Nurse Hoffel’s response to Wes when he tries to bargain with her to kill Chanel.
“Oh, go suck a hot fart.”
5. These gems from Chanel No. 3.
“If you wanna be my boyfriend then you have to stop killing people. Which honestly makes me the most super-low-maintenance.”
“Look, I know you’re hot and you’re a doctor, so you might think you’re a catch, but most girls are not gonna be into the whole raised-to-be-a-revenge-killer thing. It’s like having one of those tribal tattoos around your bicep. It’s a deal breaker.”
6. “The answer to all the questions is B.”
That’s the secret to passing the MCAT! Wow, who knew? Thanks for the wisdom, Hoffel.
7. The logic bomb that Chanel No. 3 drops on Jane.
“No one who worked at the hospital back then still works there. You’re mad at architecture and geography. It would be like murdering all the guests at a Hilton Hotel just because you got bummed out listening to Paris’s awful song.”
8. The exchange when Chanel No. 5 realizes the other two Chanels cheated on the MCAT.
Chanel No. 5: “You guys… cheated? Nobody helped me!”
Chanel No. 3: “That’s kinda your problem, isn’t it?”
9. The coffee swap.
Well, that was short-lived. Bye, Dr. Lovin’, we hardly knew ye. Chanel was so close to drinking that coffee, too… Better luck next time, Wes.
Wes’s final word as he commits suicide by falling into a vat of boiling peanut oil are especially meaningful (you really can’t make this stuff up!), not to mention as poignant as ever, as his love for making playlists was one of his character’s biggest quirks in season 1. Wes has been a highlight of the last two episodes, and I’m sad to see him go.
From next week’s promo, there looks to be some sort of bomb in the hospital… How will this all play out heading into the finale? I’m still hoping for a last-minute Grace cameo, and of course a season 3 renewal. I could see the Chanels having their own TV show as a definite season 3 idea. How will season 2 end? Tune in next week to FOX on Tuesday at 9/8C to check out Scream Queens 2×10, “Drain the Swamp”!
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