Schue announces to the club this week (and to my delight) that he’s hired Jesse to be his assistant. He’s hoping Jesse’s inside knowledge of Vocal Adrenaline will help them win at Nationals. Jesse has my vote. Whatever keeps him and his witty one liners on the show. Humor like that is originally why I feel in love with Glee. Ryan Murphy, please take a note. They decide to hold auditions to determine the best performer to center a performance around. That is how Vocal Adrenaline won all their trophies. Mercedes, Kurt, Santana and Rachel sign up but Finn refuses. He’s being a weiner and Jesse makes him angry. While I’m at it, where the heck is Artie during all of this? He has the best male voice from New Directions. Rage.
Santana performs Back To Black by Amy Winehouse. It’s pleasant but nothing spectacular in my opinion. Jesse spends her performance drawing a picture of a cat. It’s obvious he already knows who he wants to pick and will spend his time as the Simon Cowell of the judges table. Kurt’s up performing Some People and I swear it looks like he’s wearing Zubaz. There’s also a really awkward shot of his butt. His mouth is also pretty awkward during this whole performance. It’s shot from an angle that makes his mouth look like an orange slice. Jesse is pretty harsh to both of them. Mercedes steps out to slay the microphone with Try A Little Tenderness and woooo. Even Jesse is mouthing “Wow.” Unfortunately, when it comes time to deliver his critique, he has Mercedes leaving the stage telling Rachel she hates him. It’s finally Rachel’s turn and she’s OF COURSE singing from Funny Girl. My Man. To Finn. Sigh. She’s crying. Kurt’s clapping and crying. She is Jesse’s pick for the solo. However, Schue makes the final call and ultimately decides that they should stick with performing original songs in groups. Oh, and he’s also performing with April on broadway during the summer. Will he come back? If not…Jesse could use a job. Just sayin.
Sue is walking around trying to trap the Glee kids in Libya, kicking Becky out of the Cheerios and being even meaner than usual. When Schue confronts her about how awful she’s being, she tells him that her sister Jean has died from Pneumonia. Aww :(. She kicked Becky off of the squad because it hurts her to have someone remind her of her sister. The glee kids want to help Sue plan Jean’s funeral when it becomes too overwhelming for her. Jesse intervenes saying they really shouldn’t be wasting their time with things like this but Kurt and Finn are set in their decision. They even help Sue go through Jean’s things. Sue wants them to just throw everything out. Kurt gets frustrated and asks why she even asked for their help with the funeral. Sue says she just wanted people to come to the funeral. My heart is slowly breaking.
After learning that Jean would wear out her tape of Willy Wonka, the kids decorate the area around Jean’s coffin to resemble Wonka’s candy room and they perform Pure Imagination. I was fine right up until this performance. It’s so beautiful. I even made it through Sue’s failed eulogy when Schue had to come up and read it for her. But then the kids started to sing and Sue grasped Schue’s hand. Someone give the Emmy. Sue vows to be a better person and stop picking on the Glee club. She will instead be spending her time running for the House of Representatives. Sue in politics? I dig it. Then she reinstates Becky and gives her a huge hug that I can only imagine was half meant for Jean.
After the funeral, Finn sits in his car crying about how he’s come to realize Quinn isn’t the one he loves. When Quinn gets to the car, Finn breaks up with her. She isn’t having it. She’s still entirely desperate to win Prom Queen NEXT year. What the hell is wrong with her? Even Finn is shocked. Quinn then turns to him like she’s in a soap opera and shows him a single tear falling down her face. Is that supposed to convince us of something?
Funniest Quotes of the Night:
Jesse to Finn: You look like a Zombie that has to poop.
Sue: I am lactating with rage!
Sue to Will: Jean always defended you when I told her how evil your hair was.
And a special shoutout to Howard Bamboo and Figgins and his email address: GettingFiggyWithIt