by Dianna Berrian
There’s nothing like a quiet morning with a good book and some classical music to start your day. And that’s exactly how Klaus and Elijah are starting off. While Klaus ponders “The Poisoned Tree” (as far as I can tell), Elijah skims through his mother’s grimoire, both ignoring the bleeding carcass on the coffee table between them. It’s not so invisible to Rebekah, however, and she makes a point of questioning them to which they respond with some chumminess and brotherly wit. The body was Klaus’ peace offering to his brother for daggering him. But Elijah declines, preferring behavioral changes rather than a bribe. Well. No need to let a nice, tasty bleeding corpse go to waste.
Continuing with the pattern of voiceovers, Klaus begins to read the story aloud as the scene pans over Cami visiting her brother’s now defaced grave with the word “MURDERER” spray painted over it, Father Kieran rebuilding the church Davina wrecked last week, all the way back to the mansion where Hayley walks out with a miraculously huge baby bump out of nowhere. Klaus catches Elijah when he watched her walk by with a sort of admiration in his eyes, and the hybrid shows a bit of envy in his own as Elijah gets up to follow her. While she digs in the fridge and starts preparing her ice cream breakfast, she fills in Elijah on all the attacks on her while he was gone, not noticing the ever thoughtful Elijah trading her ice cream for healthy cereal. He thinks they should sever the link between her and Sophie and tells the household about his deal with Davina, starting with an unlinking spell. After instructing his siblings of their duties, he takes off to see the teen witch leaving Rebekah to wonder when she “was elected super nanny”. But Klaus is more petulant with his, “Who put him in charge?” demeanor.
Sophie and Sabine are cooking up some trouble as they discuss the prophecy Sabine had about the abby. That is until a group of faceless attackers show up to magically knock out and abduct Sophie. It turns out to be Agnes, they psycho “elder” witch who also put the hex on Cami’s brother. She wants to get rid of the demon spawn that is prophesized to bring an end to the witches so she injects Sophie with some kind of needle, knowing it’ll affect Hayley through the linking spell. And it does.
Meanwhile, Marcel is drowning in alcohol and woes when Klaus’ lackey vampire, Josh, shows up for some good old fashioned ass kissing. He wants that daylight ring, and he wants it bad. Too bad there are guys 80 years ahead of him. Tough break, kid. But Marcel begins to question him about Klaus a little, wondering why his friend would lie about his resting place and if Josh knew anything about it since he’s the one that drops him off there every night. “Uneasy is the head that wears the crown”, Marcel quips, explaining the Shakespearean parallel nice and plainly because the writers think the audience is stupid – in every Shakespearean play Klaus read him growing up, there was a king who gained the world but lost his soul. He figures the only thing that really matters is having someone you trust. As a tiny sidenote, can we all appreciate how much of a “Lord of the Rings” nut Josh is?
As promised, Elijah returns to visit Davina with a page from his mother’s grimoire. It has an unknotting spell (literally, it’s to untie a knot) and he says if she can perform it without flaw, he’ll return with another page of her choosing. In the meantime, Cami sits down in the confessional to visit with her uncle, Father Kieran. She’s also seeking advice about Shawn. Seeing his grave defaced didn’t bother her and that’s worrisome. She mentions how she’s been sleeping well and that her biggest worry is Marcel’s flaking on her. Since she can’t remember that Klaus compelled her to stop worrying about it, she begins questioning the sudden apathy towards the tragedy because she needs the pain, she feels broken/empty without it. But Father Kieran assures her she’s just healing and Shawn’s actions were his own. But his eyes say otherwise. Oh, look. Klaus was lingering in the balcony, listening. Where are your manners, Klaus?
Elijah manages to find a passed on Sabine on his search for Sophie and learns about Agnes abducting Sophie. They want to know where Agnes is but she can’t give up the location. Agnes is the last elder witch, and something about she’s integral to their ties to their magic. But while all her blabbering is good and well, Klaus has his own list of priorities to deal with: “1. Unlink Sophie. 2. Convince Elijah to accept my heartfelt apologies for some recently dodgy behavior. And 3 – there is no 3.” Elijah clarifies for him that Agnes, their magic, or the harvest ritual means nothing to them. So she had better start talking.
With the topic of trust on his mind, Marcel heads down to the “Garden” to talk to Thierry, the only person he can think of that he’s ever truly trusted. They have a little talk about Klaus and what happened on the night of the rousting. Thierry thinks Max – the vampire he killed – was compelled and drained of vervain by Klaus. He argues his point by reminding Marcel that Max was missing a few nights before the rousting. Obviously this doesn’t sit right with Marcel, but he’s still not going to pardon his friend for killing another vampire. It’d make him look weak and he likes his god complex very much.
Now if this episode is playing on the fairy tale of Snow White, should Rebekah fans be offended that she’s the witch offering Hayley an apple in the next scene? I mean, it isn’t hexed or anything, but Hayley does call her a bitch and get away with it. Hey Hayley, being a pregnant orphaned werewolf doesn’t give you the right to act like a conceited bitch to everyone, mmmkay, pumpkin? Rebekah confesses she wants to leave once they settle things and Hayley looks disappointed by that. And their little happy friendship is progressing. Until Hayley starts burning up.
True to form, Elijah finds Sophie all shackled up and overheating because Agnes stuck her with the…wait for it…“Needle of Sorrows.” Can we just take a pause and gripe over the fact that there is legitimately a “needle of sorrows” in this show? I mean, the “Garden” and the “Harvest” were bad enough. Seriously? Writing staff, get a team of people to come up with better names for things. You sound childish. Ahem. As I was saying, she was stuck with the “needle of sorrows” which has one sole purpose in existing – to kill a child in utero by raising the body temperature. Just…don’t. Don’t make me say it. I can’t. Sophie assures Elijah it will work by tonight’s high tide. (Because, you know, hours were too much to ask and tides are more poetic.) She reveals it was what was used on Shawn to make him rampage and kill all the seminary students. Wait. I thought it only had one purpose? Security! Get these writers out of here!
At the church, Father Kieran holds a conference with the townspeople. Klaus infiltrates shortly thereafter, commenting on “the faction” – aforementioned townspeople who maintain the supernatural balance. He seeks out the location of Agnes and tells Father Kieran she’s the one who hexed his nephew. Kieran demands he give them time to discuss it. So after a little griping, he gives them one hour to track down the witch. While it’s business as usual there, Rebekah is tending to a now bed ridden Hayley who can’t stop overheating. Elijah walks in with Sophie by his side which displeases his sister and rightfully so. Especially when they send Rebekah off to play fetch the herbs from the witchy store. Seriously, how much more are they going to demean her? No wonder she wants to leave! And on her mission to gather herbs, Marcel interrupts for a little more flirtation but she brushes him off. An hour later, Father Kieran gets a text with Agnes’ address. Just before he can run off and seek vengeance, Klaus cuts him off to strike a deal. Bring Agnes there and in exchange he’ll ensure Cami remains safe. In a short time, New Orleans’ finest bring her in cuffs and sit her in a pew in back. Along with the “needle of sorrows”. He demands she undo the curse to the syringe or he’ll show her things worse than death.
At the mansion, Sophie and Elijah are poolside, readying to rescue the ever vulnerable Hayley. Elijah carries preggers into the water and Sophie gives her an herbal remedy to drink. Hayley dramatically begins gasping for breath and clinging to Elijah while grabbing her stomach and screaming in pain. Ladies and gentlemen, Bad Acting 101, featuring Phoebe Tonkin. All the while, Davina is in her attic chamber working her magic to undo the knot, not knowing that the spell is actually unlinking Sophie and Hayley. Ta da, the link is lifted and both girls are fine, which doesn’t really figure in my book because why would it stop affecting Sophie on her own? Just because she’s not linked anymore shouldn’t mean it wore off her too. Am I right? Anyway, Sophie begs Elijah not to let Klaus kill Agnes, and he makes one last promise: I won’t let my brother kill Agnes. I smell a loophole somewhere…
As he’s suiting up (literally) to go meet Klaus in the church, Rebekah walks in to bid her brother a fond farewell. She only came to make sure he was safe, and now he is. She understands now, he’ll never leave Klaus. But she wants no part of the Klaus/Elijah/Marcel debacle, she just wants to be free. When she finishes her tearful goodbye to her brother, she goes to Marcel to say goodbye. He offers her a drink for the road…she makes a remark that he wants to “liquor [her] up and convince [her] to stay” and they draw nearer, getting closer and closer…and closer still…and finally, she whispers a “good riddance”. D’oh! Except then he grabs her in a forceful kiss. And finally the hot hookup we’ve been waiting for comes to fruition!
Klaus circles Agnes like a predator and sizing up his prey, verbally toying with her until Elijah shows up at a most inopportune moment, right when Klaus has his hand wrapped around her neck. He says he’ll grant Klaus his forgiveness if he lets go, proving he’s one step closer to redemption. And, shockingly, he does, berating Elijah for spoiling his fun. Elijah, then, proves him wrong by ripping the hearts out of the three witches all around her. At last, he grabs Agnes by her throat and snaps her neck. Ah, brotherly love.
After a presumably good sexing up, Marcel and Rebekah gaze out at the city in bliss. Again the apples come into play, tied to Marcel’s past as a slave and we even get a small glimpse to that flashback later when he threw the apple at the man whipping him. So that’s why he doesn’t like them. Rebekah asks Marcel to leave the city, leave Klaus and go with her and build a home together. But he gets all growly and goes on about how a real man doesn’t run from his home. But Rebekah angrily has the last word before she leaves, reminding him that an empire is nothing without anyone to share it with.
Later, Josh is seen at the mansion door asking Hayley where Klaus is. Somewhere in the shadows Marcel is hiding, having tailed him. Yipes! Like, let’s get out of here, Scoob! But, gentleman that he is, Marcel decides to knock on the door and introduce himself to Hayley. It’s not surprising that she’d go missing after this encounter. Well, except maybe to Elijah. He’s like a connoisseur of hope.
At Cami’s bar – don’t worry, I’ll find the name of this out someday – Klaus stops in to deliver the news to Cami about her brother, making good on his promise. But not to worry, he already took care of the dead weight. Get it, love? Dead weight? That’s a vampire joke for you. But Cami’s not too thrilled and slaps him. Hard. At least he has the dignity to be angry about it, unlike Elijah last week. *grumbles* She yells at him for his mistreatment and says she’ll find a way to undo whatever he’s done to her. And when she does, he’ll wish he never laid eyes on her. He looks at her furiously, perhaps taking it like it’s a challenge and speeds out just in time to run into Marcel on the street. It’s all about timing though, isn’t it? And it’s at this time that Marcel reveals that he swung by the house, which happens to be the same plantation where he was a slave. There’s a rivalry brewing between them as tension thickens in the air and they part with cordial grins but when he turns away, the fear shows in Klaus’ eyes. Rebekah is already on the road when she gets the call from Elijah that Hayley is gone and Klaus tells him Marcel was there.
Despite the horrible naming choices, seemingly irrelevant fairy tale allusions, Rebekah’s belittling, and Hayley in general, this is probably one of the more decent episodes of the series so far. But it’s most likely because Elijah is back and, when he’s not around Hayley, being boss. It would have been nice to see Rebekah changing sides of the war after her hookup with Marcel. But wishful thinking gets us nowhere with this series.